ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
