We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
