what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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