Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
