Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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