He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
