the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
