..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
