we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
