new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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