I need help removing her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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