We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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