I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
