I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
