Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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