smell my finger.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
