I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
