I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
