She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
