Umm I'm too high to move.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
