Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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