3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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