Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
