Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
