i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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