you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
and you fell through a lawn chair
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