what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
