woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Randomize
