Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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