see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
