just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone came in the potted fern
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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