I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
