Your face is a jimmy john
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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