The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
