One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had sex on a roof
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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