My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
