from now on my penis is your penis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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