Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
