why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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