I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
