I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
