I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize