Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do herpes really smell.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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