Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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