forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
