can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
