the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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