I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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