I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
