You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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