ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
even my farts smell like vagina
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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