quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
