how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
