I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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