Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
