Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
