Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
