Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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