i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
