my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
