so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
