what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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