While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
