If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This baby is an asshole
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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