we have pet lesbian snakes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
