i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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