I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
