so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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