I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
