So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
