Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
