I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
