does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
