Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize