my phone needs a breathalizer
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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