I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
