ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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