im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
