im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
