I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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