She said her name was "party"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
