This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We are two peas in an std pod
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
