I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck appropriateness.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
