the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Say something about gay babies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
