first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
