your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
