I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
