Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
